One Thursday morning in October 2006, I stopped by the grocery store on my way home from the gym. A notice printed on neon green paper was posted on the community bulletin board near the store’s entrance. It was impossible to miss seeing it.
It read: Comedians Wanted!
The announcement invited comedians with or without previous experience to perform that evening at open mike night at the local state university. The event was being held as a fundraiser for the YWCA.
A smile slid across my face at the thought of this. I reasoned, “Was I not meant to read this ad since the event was tonight and not next week or last week?”
I went.
I was backstage waiting my turn. The comedian onstage was wearing a clown costume, complete with make-up and props no less. I wearing street clothes, going over the notes I had hastily scratched out on a scrap of paper as I stood there in the wings.
There are about 3 jokes that I have practiced telling. I have to practice because I have this annoying habit of stepping on the punch line.
My sole preparation was to scan these reminders to prevent my doing that – especially since now all of a sudden I thought—what am I doing?
Of course, no one who knew me had any idea I was there. I hadn’t told anyone about it.
I am sure Beloved or our daughters would have had their own opinions about my decision. Since I was not interested in anyone telling me not to participate-- I waited till later—after the whole thing was over.
The audience applause signaled that it was now my turn. The announcer asked my name! I had thought I would be anonymous! Who knew they would ask my name?!
I walked onto that stage and I have to say…I loved it! I told them my first name and I omitted my last name-- to protect the anonymity of my family.
I told them, “We have these two daughters who tell me I am not funny—but I don’t listen to them.”
The audience laughed—out loud. I told them,” I will let you be the judge as to whether or not I am funny.”
So I told “The Stuttering Bible Salesman” joke—I am a really good fake stutterer! They howl! This was really fun and now I was just warming up.
I don’t remember which joke I told next but my last one, the finale, is the one about the guy who was riding across the desert like the wind. He was riding west, toward the Grand Canyon, on a horse that knew only two commands. On hearing one command the horse would stop. On hearing the other command he would go. Only… the commands weren’t “Stop” and “Go”: the commands were “Amen” and “Praise the Lord”.
Only…. I got the commands mixed up and stepped on my punch line! I realized it as soon as I had done it that that’s what I had done.
I have dyslexia. Did I mention that? Anyway, I corrected it and they laughed about all of it—my miss-statement, my telling them about my dyslexia, my correcting my mistake—and so did I!
I had the best time! It was funny on many levels and a really fun experience.
The clown and I were told to stand near the door as the audience was exiting. Many people shook my hand and told me that they loved my act. They also said that I should not listen to my daughters—they agreed with me—I am funny!
Oh, and I won second place! Evidently they did not expect many participants because my prize was a coffee mug with the university logo.
It is a good thing they gave me that because otherwise my family would not have believed me. They kept looking at me as if they had never seen me before and saying, “Mom you didn’t!” “Did you?” “You didn’t!” “On stage?” “With an audience?” “Did you tell them anything about us?” they wanted to know.
“I told them that you don’t think I’m funny” I said. “I told them you would never have wanted me to do this-- if you had known about it. They loved that too.”
My family was incredulous that I had done this wacky crazy spur of the moment thing—but I sensed an admiration of sorts too. I had my university logo cup prize as my proof for what was too incredible for them to believe.
In the service of full disclosure I will tell you two things: first I was way funnier than the clown. I know because the audience practically fell out of their seats during my routine. However, she did win first prize.
I think they felt a little sorry for her and they did not want her to feel bad since she had clearly put a lot of effort into preparing her act—getting costumes and all that. The other thing is this: while I absolutely did win second place… there were just the two of us comedians there!
Epilogue
A few months later our two daughters and two school friends of theirs were in a hotel room resting before a show choir rehearsal. As we were just sitting and talking, somehow the story about the comedy performance came up in the conversation.
All of a sudden one of the girls who had been lounging on one of the beds sat straight up. “I knew I knew your voice! “She exclaimed. “That was you!” She doubled over laughing.
“I was in the audience” she said. “I saw you on that stage! I saw you in that comedy contest—with just two comedians, that lady in the clown outfit and you!”
“See girls?” I said, beaming, “I told you I did that… and now I have a witness!”
That girl went on to become best friends with our daughters throughout high school and college. She and Kate were roommates and our daughters were her bridesmaids. So, if you need proof, there are living witnesses!
Remind me to tell you my Stuttering Bible Salesman joke…even if you have already heard it. It really is my best joke!
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